11 Strategies for Improving Your Mental Well-being

Here are 11 effective ways to regain control over your emotions, prevent them from dominating you, and restore your self-esteem.

Before we dive into these methods, there’s a crucial premise to understand:

Being mentally strong doesn’t equate to being a positive thinker.

“Mental strength” isn’t about never feeling down or always being confident. Instead, it’s the ability to recover and restore your spirit after setbacks. A truly strong person isn’t someone who avoids negativity; it’s someone who embraces their negative feelings and then works to recover their mental well-being. This means accepting negativity rather than fighting against it. Think of mental strength as having high acceptance and recovery power. Please keep this in mind as you read this column.

This column incorporates my personal experiences and practical strategies for mental recovery and strengthening. While the goal is to manage negative or unstable emotions, the specific approaches for overcoming challenges can vary depending on the situation.

Therefore, we’ll explore these topics together, using examples, in three parts:

1. Coping with Negative Thoughts
2. Enhancing Self-Control
3. Strategies and Mindset for Overcoming Complaints and Criticism

This initial section of the column will focus on how to deal with negative thoughts.

CHAPTER1: How to Deal with Negative Thoughts

1. Nostalgia

This method involves actively recalling and analyzing your past. You’ve probably experienced that heavy feeling of being dragged down by past emotions, like a difficult breakup or a friend drifting away.

Nostalgia refers to the feeling of being able to look back on unpleasant past events or experiences with fondness. Instead of resisting the past, it’s about accepting and embracing it. Once you can achieve this level of compassion (acceptance), you become stronger against past sorrows and more resilient to stress.

Embracing this perspective allows you to cultivate sentimental feelings toward the past, which enhances your resilience—your ability to recover. This means you’ll be better equipped to handle similar pains in the future. As your resilience grows, you gain an objective perspective on the past, helping you differentiate it from your current reality.

You may have had moments when you looked back and thought, “That happened, it’s nostalgic now,” and found you’d overcome it without even realizing it. Why do you think you overcame it then? Because good memories resurface alongside the difficult ones.

Most people broadly recall only their failures and negative experiences from the past, leading to general regret. However, by looking at the past in more detail, you can start to find optimistic aspects, recalling fun moments. Behind sad memories, pleasant ones are often hidden. By examining the past closely, you can bring these optimistic parts to mind. The depth of sorrow one feels often corresponds to the intensity of joy experienced. In essence, it’s about recalling the fun and positive aspects within sadness to balance it out.

When you do this, the joy stands out, allowing you to become more positive. It’s crucial never to focus solely on the sadness; for every shadow, there is light.

People detach from their past when they come to terms with it and reflect on their emotions from that time. Therefore, when you look back on your past and feel good about it, you can distinguish yourself from it and move on.

Consider for a moment: When do you feel nostalgic about the past? It’s often when you think, “Those were the days, nostalgic…” or “That was a sad time, then…” This is precisely the point.

“Those were the days…” “That was a time when…”

When you use phrases like “that time,” you’re already acknowledging it as a distinct period in the past, separating it from your current reality.

What kind of language do people use when they’re struggling?

“I’m hurting now.”

Yes, the pain from years or months ago is continuing now. This shows the importance of creating distance between the current moment and “that moment.” People who say “That was tough back then…” often follow it with, “But because of that, I can enjoy things now.” They view the past as the past and accept the changes in their current reality. This means they can recognize both the negative and positive aspects of “that time” versus “this time.”

If you’re struggling with the past, ask yourself: How was it back then? How is it now?

And finally, this is crucial:

What will you do in the future?

This is the key point:

• What was the past like?
• What is the present like?
• What will you do in the future?

These are all distinct. You need to consider how you felt in each, and how you will connect them.

This is the essence of nostalgia.

2. Core Personal Projects

A core personal project is a field or theme that you can truly immerse yourself in. It’s about finding a challenge that allows you to focus and enter a state of deep engagement.

When individuals enter a heightened state of awareness, often referred to as “the zone,” they can transcend negative feelings and pinpoint the information they need at that moment. This personal project allows you to move beyond the confines of your typical self as you engage with values, themes, and genres that are deeply important to you.

You’ve likely experienced this yourself. When you’re passionate about something or feel excited by it, you’re less likely to be dragged down by unrelated negative emotions. For example, consider an avid fan of a particular artist or performer. While they might typically be reserved, when it comes to a live event for their favorite artist, they’ll eagerly research information and act spontaneously. Or perhaps when discussing their favorite artist with friends, they might talk excessively, forgetting any usual shyness. People tend to forget their inhibitions when deeply interested in a particular subject.

This approach is especially effective for “introverted sensitive people.” Immersion can help introverted and shy individuals cultivate an outwardly energetic demeanor. It’s often said that what conquers negativity isn’t positivity, but rather complete absorption, and this concept perfectly illustrates that point.

Benefits of Core Personal Projects

• Enhances Outgoingness While Maintaining Introversion
  A core personal project doesn’t fundamentally change an introverted personality; instead, it adds an element of outgoingness while leveraging existing strengths. Introverted individuals often have a heightened sensitivity to external stimuli. When this natural inclination is directed towards something they genuinely want to do, it can unleash incredible effects. In essence, it deepens your fundamental strengths.
  
• Clarifies Your Self-Direction
  By focusing without worrying about others, you can better understand what’s important to you and what you truly want. What might have previously been driven by concern for others’ opinions or external validation can gradually shift towards a stronger sense of self-direction.
• Improves Professional Performance
  When you achieve greater focus and dedicate yourself to your work, your performance will be recognized, both by yourself and by others. As your capacity for effort increases and you push past previous limits, you’re more likely to achieve significant results. Moreover, as you see positive outcomes, your self-confidence will grow, further enhancing your self-expression. This cycle of engagement and achievement will transform you.
  

The more curiosity you bring to what’s in front of you, and the more value and happiness you find in it, the more adaptable your personality becomes.

Consider using a core personal project to discover a theme that allows you to transcend negative emotions and fully dedicate yourself to it.

3. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

When individuals experience negative emotions, their actions often align with those predicted feelings. For example, if you believe you’re going to be disliked, you might start acting timid or withdrawn, losing touch with your authentic self. This can happen even without any actual basis for your initial fear.

When people hold a belief, they tend to act in ways that confirm it. As a result, the very situation they anticipated often comes to pass. This process essentially sets a future course in your mind, guiding your awareness and subsequent actions towards that outcome. What began as a mere assumption then becomes reality. This can also be referred to as “negative prediction.”

If you find yourself making negative predictions, ask yourself: Is there any evidence for this negativity? If there’s a basis, you can take action to address it. If there’s no evidence, your prediction is simply a prejudice. Be careful not to selectively extract only the negative aspects of a situation.

Overgeneralization

This is a very common experience for many. Have you ever found yourself thinking:
“Everyone is saying that.”
“I’m always told that.”

These are examples of overgeneralization, where you take a few instances or opinions from a small number of people and inflate them to represent the majority or an ongoing pattern. It’s particularly common in negative thinking patterns.

For example:
“Two individuals were cold to me” → “Those two dislike me” → “Everyone dislikes me.”

This creates a story based on assumptions, often veering into a victim mentality.

To avoid overgeneralization, try to analyze the situation logically: Who said what, and how did they say it? By doing so, you can prevent yourself from letting emotions distort your perception of events. When you assess the actual scale of things, you might realize the situation isn’t as dire as you initially thought. Re-evaluate the circumstances to prevent overgeneralizing.

Labeling Bias

This is simply the “labeling effect.” It’s incredibly risky to firmly categorize someone with a single label, such as “this person is like this.” Applying limiting labels to yourself is also detrimental because you might start to see yourself only through the lens of that label, overlooking other qualities. Labeling simplifies by excluding other traits and characteristics, narrowly defining an individual. This prevents you from seeing their other strengths.

When you find yourself labeling others, try to apply multiple labels instead. For example, if you’re tempted to label someone as “incompetent at work,” pause and consider what other labels might apply. Perhaps they are a “tech enthusiast” or “just a bit self-centered.” By doing this, you can view the person from multiple angles and avoid implanting unhelpful biases.

Mind-Reading Bias

This bias involves making assumptions about what others are thinking, such as “They must dislike me” or “They’re secretly looking down on me.” A common misunderstanding is confusing a vivid imagination with the ability to actually read minds.

If you mistakenly believe someone dislikes you when they actually like you, it can lead to actions that eventually push them away. So, consciously avoid letting your emotions dictate your interpretation of others’ feelings. The probability of accurately reading someone’s mind is only about 54%, meaning it’s often unreliable. Even with specialized training, like that received by intelligence professionals, accuracy only reaches about 70% to 80%.

Mind-reading bias often intertwines with overgeneralization. When you think you’ve read someone’s mind, you might then overemphasize negative interpretations and conclude, “Everyone must think this way.” To counter this, make an effort to confirm uncertain assumptions about others’ thoughts by directly communicating with them before drawing conclusions. This can significantly lighten your mental burden.

Confirmation Bias

Do you ever find yourself seeking out information that only confirms what you already believe to be true? This is confirmation bias. It involves cherry-picking convenient information that affirms your emotions or opinions and then using that to validate your beliefs.

While confirmation bias can be used positively—for example, by selectively gathering information that supports a positive outlook—it becomes problematic when used in a negative way. For instance, if you think, “Maybe I’m a bad person,” you might actively search for evidence to confirm that belief, thereby validating your self-perception as a “bad person.” As mentioned, you collect information that validates your existing beliefs, whether positive or negative.

This can lead you to dwell on past mistakes or perceived shortcomings, thinking, “I made the same mistake before,” or “I couldn’t do this either.” You gather only the negative information that supports your initial negative assumption, spiraling into self-criticism. Even when many good things are happening, you might become so fixated on negative hypotheses that you overlook them. Falling into the trap of confirmation bias can be difficult to escape. To combat it, actively seek out information that challenges your negative self-perceptions.

• Dichotomous Thinking (All-or-Nothing Thinking): Viewing things in absolute terms, black or white.
  • Example: Making extreme judgments like “friend or foe” or “good or evil.”
• Perfectionism: Believing “if it’s not 100 points, it’s 0 points.”
  • Example: Trying to fulfill all desires and refusing any compromise.
• Overgeneralization: Seeing one event and assuming it’s a general rule.
  • Example: Observing a few young people and generalizing, “recent young people are all ○○.”
• Selective Abstraction (Mental Filter): Focusing solely on one aspect while ignoring others.
  • Example: Someone who always supports you once disagrees, and you immediately view them as an enemy.
• Disqualifying the Positive: Denying any positive aspects, thinking “it’s no big deal.”
  • Example: Unable to see the good in someone you dislike, only focusing on their flaws.
• Mind Reading: Assuming what others are thinking without evidence, making arbitrary interpretations.
  • Example: Arbitrarily concluding, “my boss dislikes me.”
• Fortune-Telling (Predictive Thinking): Treating predictions as if they are established facts.
  • Example: Concluding, “I probably won’t succeed anyway.”
• Catastrophizing (Magnification of Negative): Viewing one isolated event as if it’s the end of the world.
  • Example: Thinking it’s the end of the world just because you didn’t get an internal promotion.
• Minimization: Considering positive traits or experiences as “insignificant.”
  • Example: Thinking, “anyone can get a TOEIC 900 score,” despite having achieved it.
• Emotional Reasoning: Letting feelings dictate your view of reality.
  • Example: Thinking “everything will go well” when you’re in a good mood, and “nothing will work” when you’re in a bad mood.
• “Should” Statements: Allowing “should” or “must” statements to control your motivation and actions.
  • Example: Thinking, “those in management positions shouldn’t rest for a slight fever.”
• Labeling: Attaching simplistic labels to solidify an image.
  • Example: Categorizing those who work for large corporations as “winners” and others as “losers.”
• Personalization: Believing you are the primary or sole cause of events, even when multiple factors are involved.
  • Example: Thinking, “it was my fault,” even for things completely unrelated to you.

4. The “Negative Plan”

The “Negative Plan” is a method for processing and managing negative emotions by treating them as tasks. While it’s not an officially recognized term, I coined this name because I found it memorable and easy to understand.

There are two main components to the Negative Plan:

1. Postponing Negative Emotions: Intentionally delaying dealing with negative feelings.
2. Planning How to Cope with Negativity: Pre-determining strategies for when negative emotions arise.

Let’s delve into each one.

Postponing Negative Emotions

It’s a well-known fact that postponing negative emotions can reduce their stress response. Take a moment to consider: When do feelings like anxiety, anger, or other negative emotions typically surface? The answer is when you’re not in a calm state.

So, when you encounter negative emotions and feel yourself plummeting into despair or about to explode with anger, put those negative feelings aside and plan to wallow in them later. This approach is surprisingly effective. The moment you decide to fully indulge in your negative emotions for, say, 30 minutes later, your brain starts looking for things it can do now. By consciously deferring negative feelings, your mind begins to seek positive solutions.

Therefore, try scheduling your emotions. Over time, it becomes more difficult for people to accurately reproduce the intensity of past emotions. You might find that when you try to recall those feelings later, they’re not as strong as you expected, leading you to realize you can actually overcome them. I’ve personally committed to processing negative emotions after I’ve taken action. I encourage you to give it a try.

Planning How to Cope with Negativity

It’s highly beneficial to decide in advance how you’ll cope when you’re feeling down or upset. When you have a plan in place, you’ll approach challenges with a more positive outlook, knowing that “even if something unpleasant happens, I have a way to recover later.”

To illustrate this, think about why Fridays are so exciting. Even though it’s still a workday, people’s motivation for work often shifts as if something wonderful is about to happen. This is because, even if there are unpleasant tasks at work, people have plans for fun and relaxation over the weekend. Right?

The ability to handle current negativity comes from knowing that even if you feel it, you have a plan to overcome it later, which often makes it manageable. While this example uses work, the same principle applies to human emotions regardless of the day of the week. The core idea is to have a plan for managing your motivation, coping with stress, and controlling your emotions if you’re facing something you dislike.

This could involve reading a book, playing a hobby like golf, visiting a hot spring, or going on a date with a loved one. Prepare a plan that you can realistically follow. The more positive your planned activity, the more it will override the negative feelings, allowing you to focus on the present. Having a plan can also provide a sense of reassurance as you tackle new challenges.

The first part of this column focused on coping with negative emotions. Next, we’ll delve into how to enhance your self-control abilities.

CHAPTER2: How to Enhance Your Self-Control Abilities

This section focuses on how you can accept your emotions and change your perspective. As discussed in a previous column, mentally strong individuals are those who can embrace their emotions and recover their inner balance. Therefore, true improvement begins with the ability to accept.

To help you truly understand what “acceptance” means, let’s explore four methods for strengthening your mental resilience.

1. Reappraisal

Reappraisal, or cognitive reappraisal, is a way of re-evaluating anger, negative thoughts, and unstable emotions. Simply put, it means providing feedback on your own feelings. The key to controlling your mental state is to accept, observe, and analyze your emotions. You could also call this evaluating your emotions.

For instance, when you’re consumed by anger, simply acting on that emotion won’t lead to anything productive. Instead, make it a habit to reflect on the emotions you experienced at that moment. This practice will help you refine your mental approach.

Examples:

• Scenario: Someone gets angry at you over a minor mistake.
  • Typical Response: “They just unleashed their anger on me.”
  • Reappraisal: “Perhaps they had an argument with their family again?”
• Scenario: You’re overwhelmed by anxiety and pressure, and you can’t stop feeling nervous.
  • Typical Response: “What should I do? What should I do?”
  • Reappraisal: “My brain needs this tension right now.”
• Scenario: You’re irritated by a colleague who isn’t performing well.
  • Typical Response: “Their actions are infuriating.”
  • Reappraisal: “This shows I’m a capable person at work.”

As these examples illustrate, you take a step back to re-examine emotions that have already occurred. When your mental state is unstable, your mind and heart tend to get fixated solely on the fact that circumstances have changed. However, individuals who can control their mental state use their minds to process emotional shifts.

People who are swayed by their emotions only see the fact that someone got angry, and they abandon the search for the cause. Conversely, those who aren’t swayed don’t abandon the cause; they re-analyze the root of the overflowing emotion.

By performing this reconfirmation and re-evaluation, you can gain control over yourself and avoid being overwhelmed by emotions. This allows you to objectively deal with approaching anxiety and anger, ultimately making these emotions controllable for you.

A study conducted by Harvard University involving 300 participants demonstrated the effectiveness of reappraisal. The report indicated that groups who positively reinterpreted their stress responses as “excitement” showed a 17-22% improvement in performance. It was also found that reinterpreting unpleasant emotions or negative experiences reduced amygdala activity, preventing the brain from panicking.

In essence, this is a cognitive therapy approach that is even supported by neuroscience.

2. Mindfulness

You might be tired of hearing about mindfulness, but it stands out as perhaps the most effective method for mental control, backed by an enormous amount of research. Personally, the more I delve into it, the more I’m amazed by its profound effects, questioning if there’s any other method with comparable benefits.

＜Merit of Mindfulness＞

• Concentration improves.
• Happiness increases.
• Life span extends (telomeres increase).
• Alleviation of depression and anxiety.
• Pain relief.
• Stress reduction (amygdala volume decreases).
• Memory improves (hippocampus gets larger).
• Relaxation effect
• Suppresses brain fatigue
• Diet effect
• Improvement of working memory
• Improvement of sleep quality
• Improvement of empathy
• Improvement of self-awareness

Mindfulness is essentially about embracing the present moment as it is, without judgment or evaluation, and cherishing it.

There are countless benefits to meditation, but I’ll focus on three key advantages that warrant a bit more explanation. Please keep these in mind.

1. Reducing Stress and Its Negative Impact

When individuals experience stress, their bodies release adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones accelerate heart rate, elevate blood pressure, and deliver sugar to the brain and muscles, preparing the body for danger. However, chronic secretion of these hormones can lead to issues like insomnia, high blood pressure, and autonomic nervous system dysfunction, so it’s crucial to manage them.

A key to resolving these issues is to make mindfulness meditation a regular habit.

A 2007 study (apologies for the older reference) found that mindfulness meditation helps suppress cortisol secretion. Furthermore, a 2012 experiment involving 1,200 participants suggested that consistent meditation practice is more effective at reducing stress than most tranquilizers available. In essence, by inhibiting cortisol, meditation helps build resilience to stress.

There’s also a famous experiment that illustrates this point:

In a rather unfortunate experiment, two rats were placed in separate cages and periodically subjected to electric shocks. One cage had a lever that could stop the electric shock, while the other did not. Over time, the rat with the lever learned to stop the shock each time it occurred. The researchers observed that when the rat with the lever stopped the shock, the shock also stopped for the other rat, even though it didn’t have a lever.

As the experiment continued, the rat with the lever remained healthy, while the rat that couldn’t stop the shock on its own began to deteriorate. The rat that could control the lever managed its stress, while the rat without control was overwhelmed by it. The key takeaway from this experiment is that perceiving control over stress can significantly lessen its negative impact.

In this context, meditation acts as that lever to stop the “electric shock.” Even just five minutes of meditation can promote a sense of calm, effectively reducing stress. This experimental finding is quite intriguing.

2. Physically Changing Brain Volume

Research from Harvard University indicates that just eight weeks of consistent meditation can lead to an increase in the volume of two specific brain regions and a decrease in another.

The two regions that increase in volume are:

• The Hippocampus: This area is responsible for memory and learning. Its growth leads to improved memory and overall learning capacity.
• The Temporoparietal Junction (TPJ): This region is involved in understanding others’ thoughts and emotional states. An increase in its volume suggests that meditation positively influences empathy.

Conversely, the region that decreases in volume is:

• The Amygdala: This part of the brain processes fear and stress. Reduced activity in the amygdala can alleviate anxiety, improve worry, and help in stress management. This implies that regular meditation can foster a more positive outlook.

In summary, the increase in hippocampus and TPJ volume combined with the decrease in amygdala volume suggests that meditation can enhance cognitive abilities and help regulate emotional arousal.

3. Reducing Brain Fatigue

A significant portion—60% to 80%—of the brain’s energy is consumed by “mind wandering” or unproductive thoughts. This is largely due to the constant activity of a brain network called the Default Mode Network (DMN). The DMN is a neural circuit that remains active even when you’re not consciously engaged in a task; it’s what keeps your brain working even when you’re just “zoning out.”

Conversely, by quietening the DMN, you can reduce the brain’s energy consumption, thereby freeing up mental resources for tasks that truly require your focus and attention.

Meditation serves as a powerful tool to quiet the DMN. It doesn’t just offer temporary relief from mental stress; it can induce structural changes in the brain that help lower the DMN’s energy expenditure. If you often feel sluggish for no apparent reason or get easily exhausted when you exert yourself, consider incorporating meditation into your routine.

3. Acceptance & Compassion

I can’t stress this enough: self-acceptance is your top priority.

Acceptance refers to your ability to understand and acknowledge your current reality and circumstances without trying to change or resist them.

Compassion is the capacity to forgive yourself for mistakes or setbacks and to treat yourself with kindness and understanding.

The more you resist your emotions and situations, the more your suffering will intensify without finding a resolution. In fact, the more you try to fight and resist, the longer the suffering will persist. When your mind is in turmoil or you feel out of control, it often indicates a lack of self-acceptance. The concept of mindfulness meditation, which I discussed earlier, is precisely the same: it’s about accepting your emotions as they are, without judgment or hierarchy.

The Concept of Acceptance

To understand acceptance, remember this formula for suffering:

Suffering = Pain × Resistance

To eliminate suffering, you either need to reduce your current pain to zero, or eliminate your resistance to zero. Since eliminating pain entirely often depends on external factors, your most impactful action is to eliminate resistance. You must acknowledge and accept your personality, situation, emotions, and facts as they are.

For instance, past trauma often causes suffering due to past resistance. If you struggle to move on from resisting the past, your past suffering and present reality become entangled. This is precisely where acceptance and compassion come in: without truly accepting and acknowledging yourself, you won’t gain the strength to genuinely move forward.

Latest psychological research, in fact, recommends accepting information through acceptance rather than trying to overcome difficulties with solely positive emotions.

You might be thinking, “Isn’t it important to face current challenges with sheer willpower and grit?” However, psychology isn’t about mere platitudes like patience, willpower, or grit. Many people misunderstand the true meaning of “facing challenges.”

Facing a challenge means clarifying it. In other words, it means: Understanding a problem in detail to make it easier to address.

By analyzing a problem in detail, you become more resilient to the fear of future problems. This is what it means to affirm reality as it is. Blindly pushing through with sheer determination without accepting your current situation is not true self-acceptance.

Clarifying your past and present, and connecting them to the future, is what truly matters. Strengthening your mental state by objectively observing yourself is precisely this. Conversely, those who consistently avoid problems will not strengthen their mental resilience and will find their mental state unstable when facing the same issues again.

Furthermore, among those with unstable mental states, some are excessively hard on themselves and lose confidence. They might over-criticize themselves for a single failure or fail to properly acknowledge and praise themselves despite achieving results. If this sounds like you, it’s time to cultivate self-compassion.

Curiously, people who blame themselves and engage in self-deprecation are often disproportionately harsh on their own failures. They can smile and tell a friend who made a mistake, “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes,” but they can’t offer themselves the same kindness. They can deal with others with a smile but cannot extend that same kindness to themselves. Words they can say to others, they cannot say to themselves. Such individuals would greatly benefit from developing the ability to forgive themselves.

How to Cultivate Self-Compassion

If you struggle to accept yourself, try to visualize your safe zone. This “safe zone” is a space where you imagine a fictional or real person (or even a compassionate version of yourself) who would accept anything you say. Without allowing anyone who might potentially judge you, simply imagine someone who will forgive you in a completely enclosed space. When you do this, imagine a trusted family member, partner, or close friend—someone who would never invalidate you—and envision yourself talking to them.

You might wonder if this has any real meaning, but a characteristic of people who are hard on themselves is believing that no one will accept them. Therefore, simply creating the image of someone who will accept you can instantly boost your confidence.

You: “I made a terrible mistake today.” The Other Person: “You might have made a mistake, but you’ve been so busy lately, it’s understandable.”

Try to imagine a scenario where you are being empathized with. However, a crucial point here is that while you don’t need to deny negative or unpleasant emotions, you must deny illogical thoughts. For example, it’s fine to accept feelings of sadness or frustration after a mistake. But linking it to unrelated conclusions like “I’m a useless person” or “I have no right to live” should be avoided. Your worth is not proportional to your mistakes. This is self-negation, not self-acceptance, so be careful not to confuse the two.

Considering these points, why not cultivate the power of self-compassion by creating a safe space with someone who will forgive you?

4. Expressive Writing

For those who have already seen my YouTube content on expressive writing, please consider this a review.

Expressive writing is also known as “written disclosure,” “emotional journaling,” or in Western cultures, “journaling” or “emotional disclosure.” Its effectiveness has been proven by numerous studies, and it’s now widely recognized as a significant method for stress relief, mental improvement, and boosting self-esteem. The goal is to objectively observe your own emotions by recording and verbalizing them.

Here are some of its proven benefits:

• After 8 minutes of expressive writing, test scores improved. (University of Michigan)
• Increased feelings of happiness, reduced negative emotions, improved depression and anxiety, and alleviated stress. (University of Texas)
• Continuing for 5 weeks improved working memory function. (Doshisha University)

Other than the above,

• Improved Mental Resilience: Reports show that just five minutes of expressive writing before bed for 15 weeks can improve mental resilience at a fundamental level.
• Positive Psychological Transformation: It can help individuals transition to a more positive psychological state after difficult experiences.

In short, expressive writing offers a wealth of benefits: it can enhance cognitive function, increase happiness, reduce negativity, and alleviate stress. If you’re thinking, “That sounds too good to be true,” let me explain why it’s so effective in a clear and understandable way.

Our brain possesses a “working memory,” which functions much like a computer’s RAM, managing our emotions and memories. This working memory helps process our thoughts and feelings, including storing negative moods and anxieties. Just as a computer offloads data to its memory when it gets bogged down, we can offload our unpleasant emotional data by writing it all down, entrusting it to this “memory.”

When you do this, your working memory takes over the management of those heavy emotions. This frees up mental space, allowing your mind to reset and giving you more capacity. This is why stress is reduced, and you gain room to absorb new information or experience happiness. While this is a simplified explanation, doesn’t it help clarify why it can improve test scores and reduce negative emotions? By recording, writing out, and externalizing information into this working memory, it processes those thoughts for you. This then lightens your mood, increases your processing speed, and makes it easier to learn and input new information. Furthermore, when the brain experiences excitement or anxiety, the amygdala can become overactive. Writing these thoughts down, however, has the significant benefit of calming and subduing this area.

How to Practice Expressive Writing

Now that you understand the benefits, let’s discuss how to do it.

Simply write down your emotions for eight minutes (20 minutes is ideal). Write down all your negative emotions as they come to mind, without worrying about grammar or punctuation. Stop when you can no longer write.

There are two important points to remember:

1. Be as specific as possible.
2. Avoid writing complaints or regrets.

For example, if you have a negative feeling of anxiety about an upcoming presentation next week, instead of just writing “I’m anxious about the presentation,” consider its potential impact:

• “Will my legs shake during the presentation?”
• “Will that make me unable to concentrate on work for about three hours afterward?”

By doing this, you’re inventorying your worries and understanding their scope.

Writing about complaints or regrets can reinforce negative emotions related to past events, so it’s best to focus on negative emotions related to the future. If you continue this practice, you’ll surprisingly become tired of your negative self and find yourself becoming calmer. Moreover, as you keep writing, positive emotions unrelated to your anxieties and worries will gradually emerge, and you might even feel more motivated. Just try to verbalize your worries as much as possible to start.

CHAPTER3: Strategies to Overcome Complaints and Criticism

From here, I’ll introduce strategies and ways of thinking to overcome complaints and criticism. I’ll explain three methods.

1. Types of Criticism

When faced with criticism, it can be draining to engage with individuals who seem to misunderstand or intentionally provoke. Think of such exchanges not as a true dialogue, but more like hitting a tennis or ping-pong ball against a wall.

When a “complaint ball” comes your way, if you hit it back, it just rebounds. The more you engage, the more intensely you’re attacked. The more you say, the more the situation escalates; the stronger your words, the stronger the bounce-back. There’s simply no point in returning the ball because it will always come back with equal or greater force.

In these situations, you have only two effective strategies:

• Let the ball go by.
• Catch the ball and end the game.

As you interact with more people, you’ll inevitably encounter those who frequently offer criticism or negativity, or who constantly try to assert dominance. Learning to let those strong, incoming “balls” pass by and process them internally is a valid coping mechanism for dealing with criticism.

But how do you truly let things go without taking them to heart?

One effective method is to give a “title” to the criticism you receive, effectively naming the critical person or the criticism itself. You might think, “Is that really appropriate?” but bear with me.

When you encounter someone who feels impossible to deal with, or who irritates you, try giving them an animalistic name that incorporates their particular characteristics. For example:

• A noisy chihuahua
• A clumsy cheetah
• A lonely kappa
• A corrupt lion
• A psychopathic dog (or “Psycho Ken”)

By categorizing them internally with such names, you can minimize personal damage and avoid unnecessarily hurting yourself. This isn’t about belittling others, but rather about recognizing that you are fundamentally different from them, which can give you a sense of maturity. Humans have historically named dangerous animals like “tiger” or “bear” to quickly assess their threat level; this strategy applies a similar concept to human interactions.

Once you identify someone as potentially “dangerous” and categorize them, you can tell yourself, “This person falls into this category, so I shouldn’t engage them directly.” This can help you stop worrying about their words. By naming and categorizing individuals, you prevent yourself from becoming overly drained by their presence. You can then simply accept, “Well, that’s just the way they are.”

For instance, understanding terms like “psychopath” or “highly sensitive person (HSP)” changes how you perceive certain behaviors. If you know someone is a psychopath and understand their traits, you can more easily rationalize their actions as “just how they are; it’s nothing new.”

Furthermore, criticism generally falls into four distinct types. Understanding these categories can help you analyze the nature of an attack and respond more effectively.

• Non-Verbal Criticism
• Indirect Criticism
• Hostile Criticism
• Direct Criticism

Non-Verbal Criticism

This involves criticism conveyed through non-verbal cues rather than spoken words. It’s characteristic of individuals who indirectly dismiss others. For example, when you ask for a favor or apologize, they might offer no verbal response, and their actions might contradict any implied agreement or acceptance.

Indirect Criticism

This type involves people who subtly disparage others or add unnecessary boasts to their statements. Those who use indirect criticism often unconsciously assert dominance while pretending to acknowledge others. They avoid direct praise, instead using roundabout, seemingly humble ways to criticize—sometimes referred to as a “backhanded compliment.”

Hostile Criticism

This goes beyond critiquing actions or abilities; it attacks a person’s very being or character. Instead of saying, “You need to improve this,” they might add, “You’ve always been unable to do what you’re told,” making it a personal attack.

Direct Criticism

This is the simplest and often the least aggressive type of criticism. For example, if you make a mistake at work, they wouldn’t say, “I told you this before,” but rather, “It might help to take notes for review.” While directness can sometimes be hurtful, this type of criticism is helpful because it focuses only on what needs improvement.

By understanding these four types, you can analyze the nature of the criticism you receive and tailor your response accordingly.

2. Assertion Techniques

Assertion is a communication method that allows you to express yourself respectfully without harming yourself or others. It’s often translated as “self-expression” or “self-advocacy.”

While “assertive” is a related term, it’s typically used as an adjective, meaning “declarative” or “dogmatic.”

Assertion techniques offer conversational tools for appropriate self-expression without causing offense. Mastering these techniques can help you overcome common challenges like:

• Difficulty declining requests
• Inability to express discomfort
• Struggling to end long phone calls
• Hesitation in sharing differing opinions

As an individual, I have personally found this method effective in advocating for myself without upsetting others.

There are three main types of self-expression:

• Aggressive (Aggressive Self-Expression)
• Non-Assertive (Non-Assertive Self-Expression)
• Assertive (Appropriate Self-Expression)

Aggressive Self-Expression

Aggressive self-expression is characterized by a “self-serving” mindset, prioritizing one’s own needs without considering others. This often leads to communicating from a condescending position, showing little regard for others.

Non-Assertive Self-Expression

Non-assertive self-expression is marked by a “other-serving” mindset. Individuals in this category prioritize others’ needs, suppressing their true feelings and enduring discomfort.

Assertive Self-Expression

Assertive self-expression is the appropriate way to communicate, embodying a “self and other-serving” mindset. It’s a communication style that allows you to propose opinions while respecting both yourself and others, without causing harm. It falls between aggressive and non-assertive styles.

Simply expressing your opinion isn’t always enough. Maturity in communication involves conveying your thoughts while considering both your and the other person’s viewpoints.

To develop assertive skills, consider incorporating the DESC method:

• Describe: State the objective facts.
• Explain: Express your feelings.
• Suggest: Propose a solution.
• Choose: State the consequences of both acceptance and non-acceptance.

Example: When Someone Is Late

Let’s apply the DESC method to a common scenario: someone is late.

• Describe: “You’re 30 minutes late.”
• Explain: “I was worried.”
• Suggest: “It would be helpful if you could contact me beforehand.”
• Choose:
  • If accepted: “If you let me know in advance, I can pass the time at a coffee shop.”
  • If not accepted: “If that’s not possible, I’d appreciate it if you could arrive on time.”

This technique begins by stating the objective facts, followed by expressing your feelings. Then, you offer a suggestion and present the other person with choices based on whether your suggestion is accepted or not.

This is the essence of assertion technique. It involves acknowledging the facts, proposing solutions while leaving options for the other person, rather than simply venting anger. This approach empowers both parties to express themselves and make choices. When you find yourself unable to articulate what you want to say, try using this assertion technique.

3. Defense Mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are one of the most fundamental concepts in psychology. They are unconscious reactions that individuals employ to reduce anxiety when confronted with unacceptable or potentially threatening situations.

Simply put, they are like “mental clothing” that protects you when something unpleasant or negative occurs. If someone acts unpleasantly or strangely towards you, they might be using a defense mechanism to protect themselves. For example, claiming to dislike someone you actually like is a type of defense mechanism, where you say the opposite of what you truly feel to protect yourself. This is a psychological response where you unconsciously choose to react to stress by resisting or opposing it.

Common Defense Mechanisms

1. Repression: This involves unconsciously suppressing your emotions. Even if you’re irritated, you suppress those uncomfortable feelings to prevent them from showing. If someone asks, “Are you angry?” you might say, “No, not at all,” while inwardly holding back.
2. Reaction Formation: This is when your actions and thoughts become the opposite of your true feelings, such as disliking someone you actually like. You express or behave in a way that contradicts your actual intentions, creating a disconnect. A key feature is the forceful denial of past memories.
3. Escape (Avoidance): This involves engaging in fantasies or distracting yourself with other activities to evade present reality. You might physically or mentally escape your current situation to defend yourself. There are two types:
   • Reality Escape: Shifting your focus to something else.
   • Fantasy Escape: Engaging in non-existent delusions.
4. Projection: This is when you attribute your own shortcomings or feelings to others. For example, if you dislike someone, you might say, “That person seems to dislike me,” treating your own emotions as if they belong to someone else.
5. Denial: This involves refusing to accept or acknowledge current reality. An individual struggling with alcohol dependency or obesity might stubbornly insist, “I can quit whenever I want,” unwilling to confront the truth. This type is adept at ignoring unpleasant realities.
6. Compensation: This involves achieving a goal by replacing the original objective or desired item. For instance, putting more effort into studies because you dislike sports, or enjoying swimming at a pool instead of going to the beach.
7. Identification: This is when you perceive yourself as identical to an ideal person or figure. You might buy the same clothes or bag as a favorite athlete or admired individual, feeling joy, or emulate the actions of a respected business person.
8. Isolation: This refers to a state where emotions and thoughts are disconnected. When faced with an extremely unpleasant experience, you might detach yourself, saying “Did that even happen?” or completely erase it from your memory.
9. Regression: This involves exhibiting childish or immature behaviors, suddenly acting in a juvenile manner. It’s not uncommon to become irritable or sulk and sleep excessively. This mental regression reduces the shock and pain of current reality.
10. Rationalization: This is the psychological process of justifying actions with reasons. For example, if you lose an election, you might attribute it to the voters’ poor judgment. A famous example is the “Sour Grapes” fable: A fox sees delicious, ripe grapes on a vine. He jumps to reach them but cannot. After many attempts, frustrated and regretful, he declares, “These grapes are probably sour and disgusting anyway. No one would want to eat them!” and gives up. In this case, the fox rationalized his inability to reach the grapes by convincing himself they were undesirable.
11. Displacement: This involves redirecting emotions from one person to another. For example, directing the desire for a mother’s love towards a teacher, or a student’s irritation from being reprimanded by a teacher being displaced onto younger teammates by saying, “You guys need to try harder!”
12. Sublimation: This involves channeling negative energy into something more valuable. If someone annoys you, you might channel that energy into sports or self-improvement. This not only helps you control stress but ultimately protects you. While considered the most ideal defense mechanism, it often shifts to other defense mechanisms in practice.

Defense Mechanisms in Everyday Life

To make these concepts more tangible, let’s consider a common everyday scenario: a breakup. We’ll examine how different defense mechanisms might manifest.

Example: When You’re Rejected in Love

• Displacement: You might develop feelings for someone similar to your ex, or retaliate by trying to upset them. This could also manifest as falling for problematic partners or indulging in gambling or overeating.
• Reaction Formation: You might genuinely like the person who rejected you, but then convince yourself you dislike them, creating internal stress. In such cases, it’s crucial to be honest with your feelings and accept your affection without denying it.
• Denial: You might tell yourself, “I didn’t get dumped!” or “They couldn’t possibly not like me!” to escape the truth. This prevents growth in relationships, as you remain unaware of the underlying issues.
• Projection: You might become defiant, thinking, “Well, I had my flaws too, and anyway, I actually broke up with them.” If you’re prone to infidelity, you might mistakenly believe your ex was also cheating.
• Rationalization: You might add new reasons like, “This happened because I believed that fortune-telling from a year ago,” or blame the situation or others, saying, “It’s that person’s fault.”
• Compensation: You might try to rekindle the relationship with your ex or wait for someone else to like you. This mechanism involves seeking to satisfy desires through alternatives.
• Sublimation: You might channel negative energy into socially meaningful endeavors, such as pursuing a dream or immersing yourself in business.
• Reparation: You compensate for difficulties in romance by pouring energy into work or other areas where you excel. Engaging in hobbies or traveling for a change of pace are also forms of compensatory behavior.

As you can see, humans are creatures who often act in ways completely unrelated to their true feelings. This is because the underlying desire to protect oneself creates a barrier against honest emotions. While sublimation and reparation are generally healthy defense mechanisms, others can lead to communication issues, so it’s helpful to observe how others (and you yourself) might be employing them.

You might be thinking, “So what?” Well, if someone acts strangely towards you, or says something odd unexpectedly, it’s possible these reflexive defense mechanisms are at play. Understanding this can help you recognize, “Ah, this is probably [defense mechanism] at work,” allowing you to better comprehend their reaction.

I’ve just explained 11 ways to improve and strengthen your mental well-being. I originally planned for 10, but felt compelled to add one more, bringing the total to 11.

Summary

This column covered several techniques for mental well-being and self-improvement, categorized into three main sections:

Chapter 1: Dealing with Negative Thoughts

• Nostalgia: Reflecting on and appreciating the past.
• Core Personal Project: Immersing yourself in a focused theme or passion.
• Bias Recognition: Actively challenging and eliminating preconceived notions.
• Negative Planning: Strategically preparing for potential negative outcomes.

These four methods provide strategies for managing and addressing negative thinking.

Chapter 2: Enhancing Self-Control

• Reappraisal: Re-evaluating emotions to change their impact.
• Mindfulness: Focusing on the present moment.
• Acceptance & Compassion: Embracing situations without resistance and practicing self-kindness.
• Expressive Writing: Releasing emotions by writing them down.

These four techniques are designed to improve your capacity for self-control.

Chapter 3: Overcoming Complaints and Criticism

• Categorizing Criticism: Classifying different types of criticism to better understand and manage them.
• Assertion Techniques: Employing appropriate self-expression to communicate effectively while respecting yourself and others.
• 13 Defense Mechanisms: Understanding the unconscious ways our minds protect us from difficult realities.

These three areas offer approaches to navigate and conquer challenges related to complaints and criticism.